Snakes On A Plane
Why would you have snakes on a plane? Well, they don't have wings, silly! OK, now that's the cheesiest way I can think of to lead into a review of a total gore-fest horror film.
This film is precisely what it claims to be. Snakes on a plane. If that sounds good to you, you'll enjoy it, but if it sounds stupid, pointless, gratuitously violent, you're totally right. I laughed through the whole thing. As a kid, I loved Troma films. They were so low-budget and campy, and it became a trademark of the genre. Snakes on a plane was kind of like Troma all grown up. Serious special effects, moderately better dialogue, and Samuel L. Jackson are not trademarks of Troma, but it otherwise fits.
The required cast were all there... the stuck up starlet, Mercedes, and her dog, Mary-Kate; R&B star 3 G's and his body-guards (one played by Keenan of "Keenan and Kel"); a mother and an infant; two young kids flying alone for the first time; the honeymoon couple where the hubby was afraid to fly; the Eurotrash snob; and the incredibly horny young couple. The flight crew was also properly represented... the cavalier pilot; the likeable co-pilot; the ambiguously gay male flight attendant; the sexy blonde flight attendant; the matronly mature flight attendant; and finally the lead role, Julianne Margulies (sp?) as the intelligent brunette flight attendant.
SLJ was FBI agent Flynn, flying his witness from Hawaii to LA. What the witness saw is part of the fun, so I'll leave that out. The witness becomes the desire of the blonde flight attendant, making for an interesting pre-flight safety demo. Flynn and the brunette flight attendant become allies through the film once she gets over the FBI intrusion on the flight (predictable outcome included). Oh yeah, then there's the snakes. I won't give spoilers about the snakes, but let's just say they're an angry bunch for a mildly plausible reason. And if it's an "R" rated part they spot first, it's gonna get bit!
Here's everyone's questions as we start:
- Is Mary Kate (the purse dog) gonna bite it? I answered a definitive yes on this one, leaving only "how?" to be answered.
- As a parent, I have a hard time watching kids die in movies, so I immediately went to "how about the boys? Or the baby?
- That male flight attendant... he's gonna bite it, right? Or will there be some joke about him and "taking a big snake"?
I will answer vaguely at best (with only one spoiler you'll have to highlight to see). Not everyone we like lives. Not everyone we don't like dies. Not everyone who dies does so by snakebite. A gun gets fired. Eyes get bitten. Faces get venomously spit. One guy gets killed in a way that makes you totally cringe -- no snakes or guns involved. Some gore was spared, but rest assured, you'll get your share! I thought the depressurization scene was too overdone, even for this level of writing. The spoiler is for other parents like me, for whome watching kids die is disturbing -- in case you want to know what to expect.
SPOILER - START HIGHLIGHTING HERE TO READ
No kids die... they're all threatened and one gets bitten, but he survives.
END OF SPOILER - HIGHLIGHT TO HERE
So, the humor is absolutely sick to the Nth degree, but if you like that stuff, you HAVE to see Snakes On A Plane.
Edit: Fixed spoiler text to hopefully be hidden in RSS readers as well as directly on the blog.
This film is precisely what it claims to be. Snakes on a plane. If that sounds good to you, you'll enjoy it, but if it sounds stupid, pointless, gratuitously violent, you're totally right. I laughed through the whole thing. As a kid, I loved Troma films. They were so low-budget and campy, and it became a trademark of the genre. Snakes on a plane was kind of like Troma all grown up. Serious special effects, moderately better dialogue, and Samuel L. Jackson are not trademarks of Troma, but it otherwise fits.
The required cast were all there... the stuck up starlet, Mercedes, and her dog, Mary-Kate; R&B star 3 G's and his body-guards (one played by Keenan of "Keenan and Kel"); a mother and an infant; two young kids flying alone for the first time; the honeymoon couple where the hubby was afraid to fly; the Eurotrash snob; and the incredibly horny young couple. The flight crew was also properly represented... the cavalier pilot; the likeable co-pilot; the ambiguously gay male flight attendant; the sexy blonde flight attendant; the matronly mature flight attendant; and finally the lead role, Julianne Margulies (sp?) as the intelligent brunette flight attendant.
SLJ was FBI agent Flynn, flying his witness from Hawaii to LA. What the witness saw is part of the fun, so I'll leave that out. The witness becomes the desire of the blonde flight attendant, making for an interesting pre-flight safety demo. Flynn and the brunette flight attendant become allies through the film once she gets over the FBI intrusion on the flight (predictable outcome included). Oh yeah, then there's the snakes. I won't give spoilers about the snakes, but let's just say they're an angry bunch for a mildly plausible reason. And if it's an "R" rated part they spot first, it's gonna get bit!
Here's everyone's questions as we start:
- Is Mary Kate (the purse dog) gonna bite it? I answered a definitive yes on this one, leaving only "how?" to be answered.
- As a parent, I have a hard time watching kids die in movies, so I immediately went to "how about the boys? Or the baby?
- That male flight attendant... he's gonna bite it, right? Or will there be some joke about him and "taking a big snake"?
I will answer vaguely at best (with only one spoiler you'll have to highlight to see). Not everyone we like lives. Not everyone we don't like dies. Not everyone who dies does so by snakebite. A gun gets fired. Eyes get bitten. Faces get venomously spit. One guy gets killed in a way that makes you totally cringe -- no snakes or guns involved. Some gore was spared, but rest assured, you'll get your share! I thought the depressurization scene was too overdone, even for this level of writing. The spoiler is for other parents like me, for whome watching kids die is disturbing -- in case you want to know what to expect.
SPOILER - START HIGHLIGHTING HERE TO READ
No kids die... they're all threatened and one gets bitten, but he survives.
END OF SPOILER - HIGHLIGHT TO HERE
So, the humor is absolutely sick to the Nth degree, but if you like that stuff, you HAVE to see Snakes On A Plane.
Edit: Fixed spoiler text to hopefully be hidden in RSS readers as well as directly on the blog.
posted by Eric at 22:07
6 Comments:
Clever way to hide the spoiler. I am dying to see this for the very reason you stated: campiness.
Hey there, Eric,
I give you credit just for GOING to see this!!! Hilarious review. Your review may just be the closest I get to this movie.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments on my "I went on a date" entry! I totally agree: I love cheesy little dates -- I think they're more fun than the uber-fancy ones anyway!!! We don't have kids (YET!!!), as you know, so I'm sure they DO get fewer and farther between!
I also appreciated your discussion on religion. I really agree with you. I value compassion and tolerance over the intolerance that unfortunately often comes from only believing there is ONE true religion. And I agree: as long as you are a decent, caring, loving human being, well, that is the most important.
Thanks for your comments! It was nice hearing from you! Have a good week!
~Nicole
One more thing:
You know, Eric, I actually think your blogger site here is very nicely put together. I know it's sad leaving your msn blog, but I like the look of this one! You may just want to keep it up!
~Nicole
I heard it was pretty good, but I hate snakes with a passion! Nice review! I'll have to wait for the DVD cause I can't stand to see SO many snakes and people together on such a big screen.
I really like how you've set this site up. I'm going to be concentrating more on blogspot in September and probably make the move slowly. MSN is STILL so incredibly slow and frustrating.
: ) Sue
Thanks for the review. I think I will pass on the snakes and watch Talladega instead.
Excellent review! All my friends are too cheap to see this in the theater and the wife will just have nightmares about it, so I'll probably wait until it hits DVD. Not a movie to see alone - too much jocularity to be had! The SLJ phone message off the website was just too much fun! And there's no one I'd rather be in Hollywood than SLJ!
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